I am writing this installment of Pawsibilities with a heavy heart. Last week, my wife and I had to make the most difficult decision a pet owner ever faces. Our loving companion for the last sixteen years was exhibiting behavior unlike any we had ever seen from him. Roopie was quickly becoming an angry old dog, not the lovable bundle of energy we had always known. We now found ourselves in the same situation we had faced only three months earlier with our seventeen-year-old Cocker Spaniel, Sydney.

We had always agreed that when the time came that our four legged friends were no longer enjoying life, we would be strong enough to make the appropriate choice on their behalf. Somehow, that commitment to be humane failed to provide much comfort as we waited for the veterinarian to come into the room. I soon found myself thinking about the story of Zooch and the message it conveys to remember the good times spent with a loved one.

I thought about the cold November night when I picked him out of a cardboard box where he was cuddling with his brothers and sisters. From a heap of twisted, coal black puppies, he looked up at me and let out the cutest little howl, between puckered little lips, and I knew he was the one. That howl was his lifelong signature trick, performed upon voice and hand command, to the delight of anyone who ever witnessed him performing it. I also thought about his dominating performance of strength and agility in a doggy field day at his cousin Boz’s birthday party. He ran, jumped, and pulled like no other dog in his or any other class. I was the proudest father in the park.

As I stroked his gray ears and patted his now frail salt and pepper back, I was choking back tears yet smiling at the same time. The moment was now here, but a sense of peacefulness had replaced sadness. He no longer seemed angry, but as gentle and loving as he had ever been. As he slipped away, we kissed him softly on what my wife always called his softest part. It was the area of fur between his nose and those cute little lips he used, to howl his way into our hearts.

I hadn’t been home from Viet Nam very long, in 1972, when I met a charismatic man named Charles Childress. He was in his mid-forties, of Mexican decent, salt and pepper hair with a smile that would endear him to people quickly. A couple of people across the hall in my apartment building had been to a seminar where Charles had spoke and they wanted me to attend his next one, so I went.

To make a very long story short, Charles and I became good friends, ultimately went into business together forming a company named The Alpha Learning Company. Charles had the rights to sell a course in, what was known back then as Alpha Brainwave Training, but more commonly known today as biofeedback…acquiring the creative, sleepy state of mind known as the Alpha State.

The techniques we taught were extensions of meditation used in smoking cessation, weight loss, etc. Unfortunately, our company wasn’t successful and closed after a few years, but the forms of mediation we taught stayed with me, and I still practice them today.

During the 1990’s, I traveled to Nepal twice, and on the last trip I was able to spend time with Buddhist monks deep among the snowy peaks of the towering Himalayas. I learned how meditation was used in their daily rituals and prayers and how I could use it to better my life.

Meditation is obviously an ancient elegant tradition that has been used worldwide by people who wish to be more in control of their thinking, their health and their lives. Simply put, meditation allows you to calm and quiet your mind from the daily chaos to a point where serious concentration can be achieved. You can use meditation to rest, re-energize your body, calm a tense situation, pray, solve a problem, control habits, plan, visualize a goal being achieved or to just be deliciously quiet.

Back in 1972, I taught my students what was called “The Three-Finger Technique” which involves meditation and the softly touching of the thumb, forefinger and middle finger on both hands together. By allowing your mind to become quiet through several deep breathes, closing your eyes and acquiring the alpha state of mind you can then relate the achievement of the alpha state to the touching of the three fingers. After only a few meditation sessions practicing this technique and you can simply touch the three fingers together, take a couple of deep breaths and you will slide into meditation quickly and easily.

Meditation involves slow concentrated breathing, a quiet place to sit and about twenty minutes. Obviously, like the monks of Nepal you may choose to meditate for hours, but for most of us twenty minutes is about all it takes to make our day a little better. You exit the alpha state by wiggling your fingers and toes, taking a deep breathe, opening your eyes and smile.

I encourage you to make meditation part of your day, the uses and rewards are many. You will find yourself happier, healthier and more in control…what more can we ask for?

Embracing Change

While having brunch with a new friend today, I related my journey over the past decade and how the wonderful, guiding energy we generally pay no attention to, had brought me many life altering events. Indeed, the past 10-15 years have personally been ones of enormous change; sometimes invited and sometimes not.

The first glorious day of spring was a little over a week ago, the first day of April is tomorrow, we had a tiny sliver of a new moon last night and I’m writing a new Pawsibilities today. Life continues to move and amaze, no matter how small the occurrence.

I have always said the one and only constant in life was the presence of change. I’m beginning to think I should amend that to include the constant flow of energy for creativity. Although I’ve never heard it said as a fact, I would imagine that mankind couldn’t exist without creativity.

Even people whom many would consider as negative have to be creative in their negativity. Can you think of someone or a group of people that aren’t creative? Criminals are often wonderfully creative. My Dad always laments that it’s too bad they don’t put their creativity good use, but to a criminal where would the fun be in that?

Creativity creates change. And change offers opportunity for more creativity. In the midst of that cycle another old adage springs to mind, “Necessity is the mother of invention.” Maybe I should look at change as a necessity of life, rather than, just as a constant in life.

Well, since nothing in life is static, one shouldn’t expect to many things in life to remain as they once were. It would be nice if everything would stay as a fond memory, but man isn’t built that way.

Change is frequently looked upon as a negative by itself, when in fact, its generally very positive. Finding the good in a newly constructed shopping mall where deer or fox once could be seen isn’t always pleasant. But to the hundred or so new employees who have found employment it’s a blessing.

Losing a close friend to a new job or retirement in a new city isn’t easy either, but it opens the door for travel to visit them, and the possibility of new friends who move in where the old ones moved out.

We must allow the creative energy of our universe to work outside our lives, just as we allow it to work within ourselves. Everything expands and grows…trees develop from seedlings, rivers swell from snow melt, one-man shops grow to thriving prosperous businesses, and an artist thrives on a new art form where only a charcoal drawing existed before. Creativity is at it’s best is when it’s purpose is growth and joy.

Find joy everyday in your own personal expansion, no matter how large or small; embrace the creativity, the change, the growth. View your world from the bigger picture and deliberately create change.

May 2006

There Is No Substitute For Faith

In the fall of 1995, I ventured alone into the vast northeastern reaches of Nepal on a trek to the third tallest mountain known as Kanchenjunga. Within the first three hours I discovered that the many dirt trails leading off the main one from Cavalli made them indistinguishable and I was going to get lost quickly in the lush, green jungle if I didn’t ask for directions frequently. Well, I got lost anyway.

Over the course of the next week, I had many friendly Nepalese people give me guidance toward my destination, the small town of Taplejung, but what I didn’t know was I was going in a big circle around the town. I stayed the nights with numerous, generous families who spoke none or very little English, and my Nepali was only as good as my language book.

During that time, I found a strange confidence flowing through me that made me happy rather than afraid. I knew, just knew, that I was being watched over and had tremendous faith that I would not only enjoy my trip, but also meet lots of wonderful people, see incredibly beautiful countryside, eat exotic food and come home with many one-of-a-kind memories.

When you have that deep down knowing, your attitude changes, you relax and you experience the adventure of life with every cell in your body. Sometimes I get the same feeling before Mike and I give a talk to a group of business people, or before I leave the start line at one of my bicycle races. It is a sensation of excitement and anticipation with a dash of the unknown mixed in.

Faith takes many forms and feelings. Often it’s felt as confidence, while at other times it comes as an understanding…if you just let, go things will work out just fine. Having faith in yourself, and the process of the universe, enables you to see life clearly without chaos and confusion.

Faith is found in knowing you’re not alone and accepting it. Faith is an intangible energy that resides in all of us, if you open your heart and mind and allow it to manifest. When you do your life will never be the same.

During the past seventeen years or so of playing fast-pitch softball I have stepped in at the plate over three thousand times. I do not have access to the records to be precise on that number, but it is probably a conservative estimate. In all of those at bats, one hitting feat was never achieved, the home run.

The only opportunity I ever had to jog around the bases, always provided by one of the hitters behind me knocking one out of the park, with me already on base. A wonderful feeling to be sure, but I had no idea what I was missing until last weekend. That’s when it happened, I WENT DEEP! But wait, I am getting ahead of myself. I must explain the series of events leading up to my big moment.

Like most of our tournaments, this one was to be contested on Saturday and Sunday. This usually means a Friday night of packing clothes, and hoping to play well over the weekend. For some reason, this Friday night was different. I did not find myself hoping for good results, I expected them. I also found myself envisioning specific scenarios while batting. I wanted to hit a home run. I then set my sites on hitting two. I know this must sound odd given my career record for hitting what we call “big flies”, but that is what I did. Right down to seeing my bat contacting the ball, then leaving the field of play, twice.

The tournament got off to a shaky start. At the completion of Saturday’s games, I had a few hits, no homers, a jammed left thumb, and a right big toe nail that was going to come off any time, after pounding a foul ball off of it in my last at bat. Sunday morning brought new hope. The ice from the night before had been good to me. The pain had subsided and I felt ready.

Game one: no dingers for me but we win, which means another game and three or four more chances. Game two: after hitting a single in the first, I dig in for my second time in the game. The pitcher tries to challenge me on the inside half of the plate. I hit a hooking line drive down the right field line. Did I get enough of it to carry all the way? Will it stay fair? The answer to both questions is just barely. The ball hits the top of the fence inside the foul pole and lands on the other side. As I round third base, my teammates congratulate me with high fives, knuckle knocks, and a few slaps to the helmet. It all felt even better than I ever thought it would. Two innings later, I see one pitch, a belt high fastball right down the middle. This one left little doubt. Landing way over the fence in right center. In two consecutive at bats, two home runs.

This is not a story about predicting or seeing the future. I simply focused, without distraction, on something that I really wanted. I had been hitting the ball hard all spring so I knew for the first time that I really had the physical ability to make it happen. The real difference is, I finally found the power that had been missing all along. Not missing in my swing, but in my mind.

June 2006

When was the last time you can honestly say you told anyone in your life just how much you appreciate them. Employees, employers, co-workers, friends, and members of our families are all extremely important components in our lives. Why then to we insist on constantly focusing on those things that we feel are wrong with them?

This practice does little for us, not to mention what it does for them. We perpetuate, and fuel a cycle of negativity, that can only result in unhappiness. By incorporating gratitude and appreciation for those around us, in all aspects of life, our attitudes become more positive immediately.

I am certainly not suggesting that we should simply look past areas, which could be improved. But, by being grateful for the positive aspects of those close to us, and sometimes not so close to us, these changes are more attainable. Human beings are creatures who thrive when they feel loved and valued. Yet, many of us are so reserved in offering, or are unaware of how to offer our gratitude.

I am the first to point out my own shortcoming in this department. Cynical to a fault, I find it very easy to offer criticism and extremely difficult to express gratitude. (Obviously, something I’m working on.)

If this is true for you too, do everything in your power to acknowledge such, and work on becoming better. Again, I am not suggesting that criticism be eliminated across the board. A simple fact; some people need to change what they do, and how they do it! For now, let’s resign ourselves to exist, for a while, executing one of my least favorite sayings: “That’s not my job.” There, don’t you feel better already?

At a Rotary Club International meeting last week, a gentleman read a prayer at the beginning that talked about finally affecting changes in others after first making positive changes in himself. Genius!

Over the course of the next week, make a concerted effort to tell the ten most important people in your life how much you appreciate them. Build on that by adding a few more people each day. Before you know it, you will have changed a behavioral habit; this new habit will gain favorable results quickly.

It is much more difficult for those important to you to let you down when they know how important they are to you. If you don’t believe me, try it once. Pick anyone you know who you truly appreciate and tell them so; then shut up. No buts interjected at the end. If the very next thing they do is not a favorable action, please write to me and tell me about it. That’s mike@zoochthepooch.com.

I arrived home from Viet Nam in the fall of 1971, and I vowed to myself, to live every moment of my life well, in return for the gift of additional time on earth that I had been given. Over Memorial Day Weekend, I found myself moved by Mel Gibson’s performance in the movie “We Were Soldiers Once” and was reminded of my vow so many years ago.

For the most part, I’m pleased with the past 35 years. Are there things I’d change? Sure, but since I can’t, I learn from the past and move forward.

When Mike and I first decided to work together on Zooch the Pooch it hadn’t occurred to either of us what other new directions the experience might take us. In the back of my mind, the thought of being a motivational or public speaker had always been attractive; I just didn’t know how to get started or what subject to talk on.

Seemingly small ventures like Zooch can inexplicably grow into wonderfully nurturing experiences as they morph toward an unspoken and unrealized dream. Such is the case with our fledgling speaking program business.

Over the past three months, we have spoken at several rousing and fun elementary schools, a middle school class of advanced students, a local writers group, and numerous Sertoma, Optimist, Rotary and Sales Pros meetings, plus, we are excited about speaking to the Boys and Girls Club Annual Keystone Conference mid-June, which is scheduled to be covered by Kim Christiansen of KUSA Channel 9 in Denver.

As we expand our horizons into the corporate world and national association conventions, we find ourselves fascinated, and pleased, by the reception our program is receiving.

The publishing of Zooch has opened up a whole new world of opportunity to share our presentation of ideas surrounding life, fulfillment and happiness. Some of these ideas were moral concepts, which Mike and I felt deeply about and we wanted to write on from the beginning, while others were derived from the enormous amount of study that both of us have been doing in the areas of philosophy and metaphysics.

Bringing all of this together in a creative, fun and educational manner has been challenging, but more rewarding than either of us expected. The good energy that surrounds our talks, the positive-oriented people who we have been privileged to meet so far and the prospects of future engagements tells us we are on the right track.

All of this was generated from the seedling idea for a children’s book…you never know who or what may come of the ideas rolling around in your head, but you should always research them and act on them if they feel right.

As I was in 1971, be aware of your thoughts, navigate through the daily chaos, find passion in what you enjoy and pursue it with vigor. Life will give you what you want if you want it badly enough, have patience and the drive to obtain it. Live courageously, live fearlessly, live your vows.

It’s that time of year for cycling enthusiasts to take to the road, bike paths and mountain trails to enjoy the thrill of pedaling along in unbridled freedom. Think about that statement for a moment.

Where does mankind enjoy freedom the most? In the broader sense, it’s being of help to others, in creativity, self-motivation and accomplishment. Personally, I love to write about the enjoyment I get from skiing, cycling, hiking and writing because those are activities that bring joy to my heart and makes me want more.

But, what is it about any activity, which makes you happy that keeps you coming back for more? It would seem to me, it is the childlike sense of accomplishment.

Take a moment and think back to those thrilling days of yesteryear when you were with a group of friends on a warm summers day and everyone rode bikes. The freedom from parental supervision, the joy of going fast down an alley, or jumping over a pile of dirt brought squeals of delight.

But, most of all, it was the excitement of getting good at something you could do physically, and the more you did it, the better you got. I grew up when the brake was part of the pedal, and I loved to turn a corner, step down on the brakes and make the rear wheel slide sideways around the turn; you’d then let off and pedal for all you were worth to keep up the momentum.

Of course, you probably picked up on the fact that these were dirt roads in a rural town in the 1950’s and the bikes were all Schwinn’s with fenders, one speed, probably had a bell to ring or playing cards in the spokes. The girls had streamers at the ends of the handlebars, but the guys never did.

We’d race around town in mock Tours de France, dogs running alongside, their tongues hanging out, ears flopping and eyes wild with excitement. Of course, when we were tired, it was off to the local store for a Popsicle or can of soda if we had .10 cents.

Freedom is often childlike. We adults could learn a lot from children sometimes. Tear down the barriers of stoic maturity and let loose with unadulterated fun.

I train for my bike races with a buddy named Jeff, and he never quite knows when it will happen, but he knows that during our rides, at some point in time, I will break out into a terribly off-key version of “O Sol Omeo” from The Barber of Seville. I can’t help it, the endorphins take over, joy spills out and the words to the opera (what few of them I know) burst into the air startling motorists or pedestrians alike. I’m generally grinning from ear to ear, totally out of breath and completely in the moment, the joyous, present, moment.

Children live almost always in the moment. The past is what happened ten minutes ago and most likely already forgotten; the future might make it into the weekend when they get to visit Grandma or go the zoo.

Adults, on the other hand, are far too busy to grasp the present and enjoy it for what it’s worth; our minds are too full of junk. Junk about the argument with our spouse this morning, the creep who cut us off in traffic yesterday still lingers, and, how on earth are we going to get little Suzy into that expensive pre-school which will most certainly define her future.

The solution is to be creative in some way that you don’t normally do. Expand your circle of activities to something, which used to bring you much joy that you don’t do anymore. Or, try that one thing you’ve always wanted to do but…if at all possible, do something physically active so you get the blood moving, the muscles warmed up and the endorphins flowing.

At long last, my final task on my “June to do list.” After a hectic month of travel, moving into a new home, speaking engagements, and oh yes, and a new monthly record for sales at the company I work for in my regular job, I finally have time to write this installment of Pawsibilities. It is 11:00 pm on July 6^th, better late than never I suppose.

After taking a deep breath, and settling into my new surroundings, I feel a sense of accomplishment, where only hours before I felt overwhelmed. Everything has found its place for now. I know this will be short lived as tomorrow brings a new list of things to do.

As we move through life, it seems the challenges we face become more daunting and more frequent, yet we always seem to find a way to move forward. Short of throwing up our hands and quitting, the universe holds a resolution or an outcome for all occurrences within. We decide what part we will play in that outcome with our choice of action or inaction.

Invoking thoughtful action to resolve problems, taking calculated risks, and to capitalizing on opportunities is the only level where we can positively participate in the outcome.

Some people choose to turn everything over to the universe and hope for the best. Others recognize the importance of controlling what is in their power and giving the universe a shot at the rest. I have found that by approaching all tasks, problems, and opportunities with a more positive attitude I can accomplish better results in those situations, and it seems the universe responds with more favorable returns in kind.

We have all been taught a basic fundamental from the time we were children, “you can only get out what you put in” to anything. For the longest time, I thought that sounded like a whole lot of work. Images of sweating, running, typing, studying, and dialing flooded my thoughts. But, when I viewed it from the standpoint of energy and attitude, it took on a more pleasant meaning.

My dependence on a paycheck and desire to succeed in sport still require my effort and attention to perform those tasks. A positive attitude can’t replace work, but it certainly enhances the quality with which the work is done.

The other day I heard a voice on the radio that said “champions don’t spend all of their time in the winners circle, it’s their preparation outside of it that put them there.” The next time you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to thoughtfully reflect on these words and plan your action for success. And remember, “you can only get out what you put in” so be careful, the universe is watching.

Sounds like a great line spoken at a key moment of a great action flick, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, this phrase has almost been reduced to just that, something heard in a piece of fiction. Gone are the days when a commitment and a handshake were the sort of contract one would never think of breaking.

Today, in business, as well as in our personal lives, plans, deals, contracts, and promises are all too often broken without being given a second thought. It has become commonplace to write off the failure to follow through as oversight and dismissed the rule rather than make it the exception. When, and how, did this happen?

I was speaking with the owner of another business a few days ago; he was complaining about work and said, “As I was looking at our company receivables, I caught myself viewing invoices owed by customers within ten days of receipt. Many of these outstanding balances were ballooning to forty-five, sixty, ninety days and worse. I had been forced to accept this as business as usual!”

This statement made me look at this phenomenon in other areas of our lives. Financial, time, assistance, and participatory commitments by friends and family are also often brushed off when “something came up” or mere forgetfulness pass as valid excuses for not following through on our word.

We have structured contracts full of binding language, created day-timers, and developed software to keep us honest and remind us of promises we have made. Yet, some continue to find ways and even thrive on breaking their word. Enough! When you say you are going to do something, do it. Whether you agree verbally or in writing, follow through and be true to your word.

Sure, things beyond our control can sometimes get in the way, but honestly aren’t these occurrences few and far between? We allow ourselves to get overextended with our time and our money. Take control of both, and only promise to do what you know you can.

Somewhere, someone is counting on you to fulfill a commitment you have given to him or her. Will you chose to honor it and them or find a way to “understandably” let them down. We often promise something because it seems like a good idea at the time or we know that it is what someone wants or needs to hear. When we fail to deliver, the repercussions are far worse than if we had honestly declined in the first place.

I encourage you to take a moment and think about the people you respect and trust the most, and I would bet that, without exception, their word is sacred to you.

How to Maximize Your Energy Attraction

One of the best parts of life is learning and applying what we’ve learned successfully. As we grow up and obtain a good foundation of education and life experiences that application should become easy, but often we let our less than stellar experiences cloud our outlook and we stagnate in a revolving door of never-ending repetition.

To get out of this situation, the answer is simple, the process easy, the acceptance and application often difficult.

To maximize your energy attraction you have to maximize your good qualities for self-confidence and project out into the universe your happiness. Allowing yourself to see yourself as the powerful personality you are, is often difficult, because we are taught from childhood not to brag, boast or self-promote. Then, we attain adulthood and self-promotion is what life is all about.

To get a good job, you have to write a resume’ which touts all of your wonderful qualities, education and job experience. To move up within a corporate structure, we have to stand out from the crowd with above average performance, and then use that success to convince the boss to move us up the ladder.

Developing that deep down “knowing” that we have what it takes is a learned attribute. It comes from small successes celebrated in a big way. We need to see ourselves succeeding and growing, which is the ultimate confidence builder. With confidence comes the energy of happiness and of attraction.

Celebrate you, your life, your accomplishments, even your failures because they show you are trying and moving forward. Surround yourself with really good friends who support you and your efforts to improve your life. They will give you the encouragement necessary to keep your enthusiasm up, your attitude positive and your attraction of the energy of the universe at a high level.

Confidence, celebrating the small successes, having great friends, being happy on a daily basis and defining your goals clearly are all a part of the formula for attracting the things you want in life.

If it was easy to go against the flow of cultural norms everyone would be doing it…and once the rest of society understands this concept, the norm will change, but in the meantime, be a trailblazer and find your own way to happiness and success the old fashioned way-be happy first and the rest will follow.

It’s almost as though complaining is a God given gift to humans. We complain even when things are so good that we really have nothing to groan about. I’m sure you know people who are making good money, have great friends (you being one of them, right?), have nice homes, beautiful furnishings, and plenty of 21st century toys to occupy their time, but they still gripe about everything else.

Do we grouse precisely because we have it so good? Do we feel guilty about success, and therefore, need to make others realize that our comfortable lifestyle isn’t the bed of rose petals it appears to be? Or, is it just inherent in humans to bellyache?

I’m sure psychologists and psychiatrists have long, fancy terms for the “disorder” of complaining, but it really boils down to a choice, the choice to see the glass as half full, life as the beautiful thing it is, and your particular situation not as bad as you portray. Are we really so unhappy we have to bemoan it?

I had one of those personal ah ha’s the other day, something those psychiatrists would have called an epiphany, in which I realized it was me who was doing the grumbling. What a terrible revelation…what, I’m not perfect after all? Surely you jest!

I was telling a friend how I disliked something in our society, and got very animated about it, when she shot back, “You are always angry about something.” Well, let me tell you that set me back a step or two, prompted this article and more than a little self-examination on this subject.

Even when we think we are just expressing an opinion, it’s all in how it is delivered and how it is received. “One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor,” can also be said another way, “One man’s opinion is another man’s complaint.” Yes, I was opining, and complaining, but my actions made it seem more than just an opinion. So, even being opinionated can be looked upon as whimpering and expostulating (that's a cool word, huh?).

Hence, my conclusion of Part I, sort of. We can discuss or we can complain; we can elucidate or prognosticate; we can illuminate or we can enlighten, we can obfuscate with drama and negativity or we can smile, look on the bright side, find the humor and see life as it is…one big, wonderful experience which will never be perfect, just an exquisite challenge which deserves good choices and a positive outlook.

With that attitude, we all could stop finding fault and look for the good in everything, fix what we can, and enjoy life in the present moment.

Some time ago, you set your sights on a goal. You carefully planned each and every necessary step. You have worked diligently to execute every aspect of your plan. Perhaps it is taking longer to achieve than you had planned. If so, don’t quit now. You are much loser than when you began. Maybe your deadline, contest, or competition date has come and gone, and you feel a sense of failure rushing through you. This is a crucial moment in life, which we should recognize as an opportunity to evaluate what, if anything went wrong.

Before you begin analyzing every detail of what you could have done better, recognize and congratulate yourself for all of the small successes along the way. Simply identifying something to reach for was a positive step toward living with a purpose. The progress you did make toward your goal, however slight or grand, is still progress.

Sometimes our goals are not fully achieved because they simply were not realistic to begin with. Other goals may require some assistance from others in order to be reached. Finally, factors completely beyond our control can impede or even end our path to success.

As this summer fades, for me, so does another season on the ball field. This year brings yet another sense of disappointment as the final outcome was less than I had hoped for. Our team had our sights set on a top five finish at the International Softball Congress World Fast Pitch Tournament. After finishing with a two-win two-loss record, we came up far short of that goal.

I immediately began replaying the games in my head. I felt we had failed, and began breaking down every game, every situation, every pitch, trying to understand our underachievement. Needless to say, this did nothing to relieve the sense of disappointment.

I then turned my sights to the season as a whole. I realized that, overall, it had, in fact, been our most successful season ever. Except for the World Tournament, we competed in the championship game of every tournament during the season, winning all but one of those. We posted our best record ever and defeated more top twenty clubs than ever before.

By focusing on the positive aspects of the season as a whole, I slowly began to feel better. My mood shifted from disappointment to a sense of accomplishment. Although we came up short of our ultimate goal, we had truly achieved great success.

The next time you feel you have failed, think about all of your little successes and pat yourself on the back. You can only fail if you quit. Keep fighting, for your next success is right around the corner.

What’s In Your Comfort Zone?

Over the course of the past sixteen months, I have become acutely aware of how easy it is to revert to conditioned behavior in stressful situations. Although I have dramatically improved my ability to recognize the way I feel as well as the root cause of the feeling, I occasionally have what I would call a behavioral relapse. For me, the trigger is almost always the same: I begin to take things personally.

Often times we feel reassured when we discover that other people behave or react in the same manner as ourselves. We feel validated on some level. On this point however, I find myself confused, irritated, and ashamed that I am a participating member of this enormous fraternity.

I continually witness this counterproductive phenomenon in all aspects of life. It is an indisputable fact that situations will occur in life that will require our participation. Death is the only escape from that reality. Customers, bosses, co-workers, friends, family, and even perfect strangers will almost certainly, at some point, ask for our assistance. It is inevitable that someone will ask us to do something differently than we are accustomed to doing it. Whatever the situation, whatever our role, we almost always do the same thing, a subconscious preemptory scan of how we are affected on a personal level. Our own little virus scan, designed for our personal protection, filled with assumptions and skepticism so we don’t get hurt.

We all do it. We always have and probably always will. The problem is we can’t trust the results of the scan. It exists solely for our protection. It is a program developed, tested, modified, quality controlled, approved and finally certified by trusty old inspector number one! If there is no immediate personal or property threat, you owe it to yourself and to those who count on you to take a logical next step.

My suggestion for that next step is to think specifically about the word personally. Break it down in to two parts, person and ally. Remove the word person and focus all of your energy on the remaining word. What remains should be ally. Now address the situation for what it is. If you have questions, simply ask them. Whatever you do, do not make assumptions. It is a rare occasion when our assumptions prove to be accurate. You and your ally stand a greater chance for success if questions are asked and answered.

I have incorporated this little trick in my personal and professional life, and am happy to report that it works for me, when I use it. Breaking out of my comfort zone, filled with over three decades of conditioned behavior, is difficult to overcome. But, one person and one ally at a time, I am finding my way.

Those Wonderful Moments of Decision

Over the past year I have been devoting a lot of time to the American Diabetes Association in conjunction with the Tour de Cure bicycle event that takes place each August. I was the 2006 Chairman and found the journey very rewarding, sometimes entertaining, but always insightful. Along the way, I’ve made many new friends, had heart-warming experiences and established valued business contacts.

I would encourage anyone to volunteer for a charity because it takes your focus off of you and places it on someone who needs help. We all have a few hours each week that could be spent helping others and you won't believe how good you feel about you and your life when you give a little time and effort to a charity you can identify with.

The more I follow the Law of Attraction, the more I find that things end up on my doorstep by design. I can happily desire something in life, and if I’m patient, it will show up, often disguised in the cloak of something else, which, more often than not is of benefit too.

Life brings us what we think about, what we focus on, whether it is positive or negative…we always get what we think about one way or the other. As the Law of Attraction states “like attracts like,” so if you are happy, upbeat and positive in your outlook, you will attract mostly happy, upbeat and positive people, activities, and experiences.

I’ve known people throughout my life who found everything a challenge, looked at each new task with disdain and saw only the negative in life…from time to time I too have fallen into that trap and the result was always the same dark and dreary outcome.

Today, I officially turned over the reigns of the Tour de Cure to the next Chairperson, a very talented young lady who was on my committee last year. She has the energy and drive to be successful by conveying an air of accomplishment to those on the committee under her. Being the chair of any event is a whole lot of work, but it is done with love and admiration for the task and those who will ultimately benefit from it.

My successor, and many like her, sat in the conference room today full of excitement as a new year began. The eagerness and willingness was apparent and palpable, and as I looked at the diabetics around the table who suffer from the disease, I couldn’t help feel that they were attacking life with happiness, attacking their illness with vigor and not willing to give in to the negativities that often go hand in hand with illness.

It all boils down to each of us individually. We come into this life alone and we leave it the same way, but what happens in between is up to us…we alone decide how to live our lives. We alone decide what choices to make. And we alone will suffer the consequences or revel in the happiness created purposefully.

One of my favorite quotes is by Tony Robbins…it goes like this, “It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”

No matter what comes your way, don’t sidestep the new, possibly unexpected challenge, do like the friends I was with today and approach it with passion, with a smile on your face and joyful happiness in your heart.

For many, Thanksgiving means turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes and all of the rest of the traditional goodies we are known to consume, but at my house we eat a Welsh pasty…or shepherds pie (I’ll give you the recipe later). Since the passing of my Mother, Dad makes them, and he does such a good job, they taste wonderful.

When I was young my Dad suffered through an industrial chemical accident where he breathed toxic fumes and lost his voice for a long time. It is still raspy, but it has become more endearing as he has aged. He discovered shortly after the accident that he was allergic to poultry of any kind, so we didn’t eat turkey or chicken on holidays like a lot of people.

Over the years I’d be asked by friends and colleagues what I was going to eat on holidays and I took a certain pride in telling them we’d be eating pasties. It made me different. Oh, sure, I like turkey and the trimmings, but when I told others what a pasty was like they always said, “That sounds good.”

· Then place a layer of cubed sirloin or round steak (some versions call for hamburger, but they are too greasy and not nearly as good).

· Then pull the upper half of the pie dough down over the bottom half and crimp the edges. My Dad found that you can also do it another way so the juices don’t leak out and that is to prepare the pasty in the middle of the pie dough and fold the edges up to meet in the middle effectively sealing the pie on the top…this works equally well.

· Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour and 15 minutes (this is for high altitude baking in Colorado, it may differ at lower elevations).

At our house we served the pasties with stewed tomatoes and dill pickles…of course, this was followed by pumpkin pie, so we were a little traditional.

Being with family, eating that which is familiar and special, celebrating life and each other is what makes the day, the food is just an excuse, albeit a good one.

Being non-traditional and a little different is one way to feel good about one’s self. We live in an atmosphere of the “global family” which I totally disagree with; being different is what makes nations and individuals unique…that’s a good thing.

Throughout most of my life I’ve known I was different than many people, and at first, I hated it. I wanted so badly to fit in and be part of the “gang.” But, as my life has moved along, I’ve come to revel in my uniqueness, as I celebrate the uniqueness in others.

So, as I write this month’s Pawsibilities I find happiness and joy in our differences and celebrate them, not looking for everyone to be like everyone else and conform to their norm. Be thankful for who and what you are in a homogenized world and celebrate it.

Mr. Scrooge: Not This Year

As I awaited the arrival of my annual alter ego who takes up residence in my mind and heart each December, I experienced a startling flashback. The memory or existence of a feeling of excitement from my childhood signaling the arrival of the holiday season rushed over me.

I remembered the Christmas Eve blizzard, a red ten-speed bicycle, a black and white television accompanied by the very first Atari game system. I remembered the whole family driving around town looking at Christmas lights, snowball throwing, and snowman building, and tasting eggnog for the first time. Two weeks of vacation from school and not a care in the world. Except of course, wondering if Santa received the list in time, and if he knows about the hole that my brother and I accidentally put in the wall in the hallway while wrestling. Sure we were naughty, but the patch job with athletic tape, spackling putty, and paint had to count as nice. Wonderment and joy ruled the day……… back then.

For the longest time, anxiety and stress have replaced that excitement. For me, December 25^th has signified nothing more than the end of another year. A time to reflect almost incessantly on things gone wrong rather than revel in the moment for all that is right and good. It had become a time of year to get through rather than a glorious time filled with happiness. Snow became a driving hazard, not a prerequisite safe landing surface for a sleigh. The date seemed to loom on the calendar, and I could feel it creeping ever closer. Turkey and mashed potatoes were my last solace before the trepidation set in.

I know that many of you share at least some of these feelings during the holidays. I am certainly not alone as we are all constantly reminded in the news, on the Internet, and in daily conversations about how many people experience depression this time of year. I know for me, it was a simple trap to fall into. Once trapped, I found that I almost embraced the depression. And, as any good martyr would do, I secured my place in this condition by adding alcohol. I was self-medicating my depression with a depressant, brilliant!

Perhaps this year is different because I no longer turn to alcohol for any reason. Pause, I needed a moment to pat myself on the back. Perhaps my flashback was more the effect than the cause of happiness and excitement. Maybe my future stepson, Enrique, at age five (when I remember to allow him to behave like a five year old) is rubbing off on me a little. Remember Christmas at five? I had obviously forgotten, but its all coming back to me now.

So, when Mr. Scrooge tries to visit you this year, and try he will, politely inform him that he is no longer welcome. Enough time has been wasted with him already. Besides, as far as fictitious representations of holiday spirit go, I remember Santa was a whole lot more fun. I think I’ll roll with him this year.

I began 2006 by writing my first article ever. I wrote about embracing changes in my life in pursuit of happiness. In retrospect, I believe now that I was giving myself a bit of a pep talk. To say I was starting the year with challenges would be an understatement. My marriage of fourteen years was ending, something I seemed determined to insure. I felt stagnant at work. My one bedroom apartment was anything but a home. And yet, I had the nerve to write about embracing change.

At the time, I wasn’t convinced that it could work. I was convinced however, that I had to try something. I had given up drinking, and although it had only been a couple of months, I was proud of my small accomplishment. I made only two resolutions: to continue a life of sobriety and to truly apply myself in all aspects to just be happy. Much to my surprise, the first proved to be much easier for me than the second.

Luckily it worked out that way because failure on resolution number one would have doomed resolution number two. Although my desire to find happiness sounds less than concise, I had no other way to get my hands around the concept. I followed simple rules of goal setting like breaking large goals down into smaller, achievable, and measurable goals. The only way I could think of to do this was in time increments. Day by day seemed to fit the bill.

Three hundred and sixty-five little goals, no problem! I woke up each day vowing to take positive steps towards my daily goal. I achieved more than I failed as the year went along. Like everyone, I encountered my share of problematic circumstances and obstacles. If it weren’t for them, it would have been a piece of cake. But without them, life in a bubble would get lonely.

If I have learned one thing, it is that dealing with adversity in a positive manner is the key to happiness. There is no magic answer. It takes determination and work. I read books, listened to advice from friends and family, but most of all, I worked at it. I worked on me. Slowly, the days of happiness started to string together. Small winning streaks turned into larger ones. Before long there were only fleeting moments of frustration or down times. And even those were bearable.

As the new-year approached, I reflected on my life in 2006. For the first time in many years I had nothing but fond memories. Even the times that were difficult produced some sense of accomplishment for the way I was able to come through them. It was a whirlwind of activity including moving twice, divorce, and putting my dog down. But, it also included an outstanding season on the softball field, travel, buying a new home, and rescuing the most lovable dog in the world from a shelter.

Most of all, it was a year of falling in love again. I met a wonderful woman who came complete with an incredible five year-old son. And, just before Christmas, I learned that I was going to be a father. What started as a vague resolution to be happy has resulted in the most unexpected feeling of all, fulfillment. I would be remiss if I did not take this opportunity to thank all of those who have helped me in my journey. There are too many to name, but you know who you are. Your support is truly appreciated and I love you all.

I received an online newsletter that I subscribe to yesterday which had a great quote by Jim Rohn: “ Discipline is the bridge between goal and accomplishment.” I hate to admit it, but discipline has never been my strong suit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very disciplined when it involves something that I love doing like: getting up at the crack of dawn to do a bicycle race, go skiing or leave for a trip.

Where most of us get into trouble is trying to discipline ourselves on the hard things that we “have” to do or items we don’t particularly like to do. Sadly, the older we get the larger inventory of excuses we have to put it off things or not do them at all.

As we face another New Year and resolutions are made to make this next year better than the year before many of us make lists of the things we intend to do and by February they are a distant memory. Let’s see if we can perform better this year with a few tips:

· Only pick a small number of goals like five or six you’d like to do differently.

· Print them out on your computer in a large font and post them in strategic places like the bathroom mirror, on the wall next to your computer or by the stove.

· Make a game out of accountability…reward yourself for successes once each month by doing something you really like.

· Break the year into small monthly goal increments to accomplish on the way to the larger goal and keep track of your progress.

Each morning, during coffee read your list out loud to yourself or anyone who is present that you don’t mind sharing with and then think about how you can contribute to the goals during the day.

If you use a day timer and schedule your tasks each day, build into it things that you could do that day to move forward toward your goals; remember to move in small steps and try not to accomplish them quickly, especially if they are difficult; you will get discouraged if you don’t reach the goal and give up.

As your easier goals are met be sure to celebrate. Invite friends over for cocktails or coffee to share your enthusiasm and accomplishments. You will be surprised how much your friends will get behind you when they see you succeed…they will see you in a different way, as a person who is disciplined and fun at the same time.

If you are feeling particularly proud and energetic, pick a new goal to replace one that is accomplished, or put more energy into the ones that are left on your list before adding new ones.

At the end of each month find new ways to build your enthusiasm for the remaining goals that are more difficult. If you run into an obstacle in obtaining your goal ask for help from your “giving” friends, relatives or business associates. Giving people are those who are always ready to give advice or help without judgment. Then you get to choose what you take advantage of and what to dismiss. Brainstorming is always effective with friends who are sincerely ready to help, just make sure there are more than three people present to get a broad range of ideas.

If it is at all possible take a class in a subject related to your goal. Education is the easiest place to expand your mind, your horizons and your experiences. You may find you like going back to school and add more educational goals to your list.

Setting New Year’s goals and accomplishing them can be fun, take time to set them properly, map out a plan to reach them and then enjoy the trip.

Tune in: Hear Keith & Mike on The Tom Joseph Show 670 KLTT on January 4th at 6:30 pm.

(Editor's Note: Mike Kelley is taking a sabbatical for the February Pawsibilities; we invite you to read his next installment in March.)

Keith E. Renninson

In Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich” the theory propagated was, if you think you can be rich you will be, if you think you are attractive you will be, if you think you are a great accountant/truck driver/grocer/writer, you will be; in other words, what you think about you will be.

If that is the case, you can imagine how easy it should be to become who we wish simply by thinking about it, constantly reinforcing the vision of our perfect self and promoting it through our thoughts, right? Wrong! The problem is, we humans have a hard time controlling our thoughts.

Our minds wander all over the place all day long from one thought to another, from one job to the next, from one problem to the next, from one illusion to the next, and so on, and so on. How do we focus, concentrate, and home in on our “dream self” and achieve it?

Down through the ages the philosophers of each generation have all had one central theory that speaks to this dilemma…self-discipline of thought and action are paramount to achieving anything. In other words, the disciplined mind, whether educated to not, will have a better chance of achieving goals than the undisciplined.

We have all heard certain people described as “scatter brained.” They are individuals who can’t seem to stay focused; they bounce from one job to another, one lover to another, and one dream to another, ad infinitum.

If we really want something such as more money, a new relationship or better car and can focus on it a little more each day, we multiply the possibility that the dream will become our dominate thought, and thus reality. I do believe it can really be that simple.

As Hill points out in his book, “…the subconscious mind takes any orders given in the spirit of absolute faith, and acts upon those orders, although the orders often have to be presented over and over again through repetition before they are interpreted by the subconscious mind.”

So, as we add focus and repeat thoughts about our stated goal, the mind takes them literally, as if they are reality, and provides the mental energy to initiate action to obtain them.

Whenever we give energy to anything we desire, it takes on a life of it’s own and becomes part of who we are. This is the end result of discipline of thought.

Compare all of this to a muscle, if you don’t use the muscle it atrophies and becomes weak, but if you exercise it, it becomes stronger and healthier. The same applies to our mind and how disciplined we make it. If we exercise our discipline muscle, the better it becomes at maintaining focus and concentration on whatever goal we have laid out for ourselves.

The obvious reward in all of this is the achievement of a stated goal, hopefully the humble pride of having accomplished it, and the newly acquired ability to do it again, faster and more efficiently than before.

Take the time to examine how disciplined you are currently in the many areas of your life. Look at your eating habits, your exercise regime, how you control your emotions and whether you are punctual or not; these areas will give you a window through which to examine your discipline muscle and see if it is good shape or needs some work.

Make this a part of your daily routine, make it a game to play with yourself and see who wins, you or lethargy. If you have passion for your goal, you will win and become the person you want to be; I guarantee it.

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March 2007

Quiet Please, Self Destruction in Progress

Michael Conrad Kelley

For some time now, I have been writing about my personal experiences, successes, and failures. I have provided examples of how I have learned to behave or cope as needed along the way. I have found it difficult to write at times, but for some reason, more so recently.

I have always been honest, open, and willing to share some very private thoughts or details of my life. Too often, I am fearful that what I write may be perceived as preaching or that I claim to be an expert in human behavior. My only intent is to offer a truthful account of my experiences and what has or has not worked for me along the way. With that, I offer the following submission.

I find myself in a bit of a rut lately. All of the reading, writing, and talking about positive thinking, energy, meditation, and intent seem to be falling a little short. One thing I now struggle with is watching someone I care about as they duplicate some of the mistakes I’ve made. Not the specific mistakes necessarily, but the self-destructive behavior.

Having been there myself, I know how tough it is to reach them. I know that until they are willing to listen with an open mind, all of the positive energy in the world won’t break through. I once wore similar blinders and turned a deaf ear as I sped down that path. All I wanted at the time was to be left alone, in silence, convinced that nobody could possibly know what I was feeling.

To a degree, I was right. They could not possibly know, since I was unwilling to communicate with them. Until the day came when I was willing to open my mind to advice and criticism understanding that both stemmed from the desire to help me, I would continue to self-destruct. It is quite a dilemma.

On one hand, we are encouraged to focus on ourselves first in order to find happiness. Unfortunately, we often mistake this for permission to completely disregard the damage we do to those around us. Conversely, we can get so swept up in others that we lose ourselves.

I believe that for myself, I have found my middle ground. Still, the frustration mounts as I observe the struggle in others. While it is a wonderful philosophy to seek ones own happiness creating positive vibrations in the universe, then sit back and watch it multiply, spreading joy and fulfillment to all. There is, and always will be, a void because the simple fact is that not everyone is open to embracing the same philosophy.

Some teachers of this philosophy would even suggest that we simply turn away from such negative energy, as it will continue to grow and attract additional negativity. I think it is worth the risk. After all, life is a series of struggles that cannot all be overcome with merely a positive attitude. We must recognize that sometimes love, understanding, and compassion are all that is required of us. Reserve judgment and advice for a time when it can be openly received. Then, and only then, will positive energy have a chance to flourish.

How Common Virtues Can Help Your Child Enjoy a Happier Life

Keith E. Renninson

Have you ever wondered to what extent virtue plays in today’s world? It’s not a subject that many of the Earth’s inhabitants explore; yet to some extent, they still dictate our relationships, politics and cultures. Virtues play a significant role in families and the formation of critical thinking by children. How your child will grow up, the ease with which they fit into friendships, and how they view the world are all ways their lives are affected by the virtues they learn from mom and dad.

Thousands of years ago Socrates wrote: The shortest and surest way to live with honor in the world is to be in reality what we would appear be; all-human virtues increase and strengthen themselves by the practice and experience of them.

If I were to ask you to make a list of virtues, what would you write down? How many do you know? For the fun of it, do it mentally right now, or take a moment to make your own list.

So you won’t drive yourself crazy, here is a list of eighteen essential virtues:

· Love

· Politeness

· Fidelity

· Prudence

· Temperance

· Justice

· Generosity

· Compassion

· Mercy

· Courage

· Gratitude

· Humility

· Simplicity

· Tolerance

· Purity

· Gentleness

· Good Faith

· Humor

To keep this simple, fun and relatively short let’s explore just a few of these virtues. As with most questions about philosophy, you are given a premise with which to think, so let’s make “modern applicability” our premise.

For it’s shear beauty and simplicity, I choose Gratitude as the first virtue to examine. In his new book “A Small Treatise of the Great Virtues” Andre’ Comte-Sponville says of gratitude: “It is the most pleasant of virtues, and the most virtuous of pleasures.”

As for applying it in today’s world, that should be easy, but for some it isn’t. Too many of today’s conveniences are looked upon as normal and taken for granted. Our young are without gratitude for clean water, warm housing, new clothing or the sacrifices of those who have gone before and established this wonderful lifestyle.

Gratitude is pleasurable because of the joy it brings when someone has done something nice for you; they get to enjoy the happiness and gratefulness, which you exhibit when you receive your gift of deed or object. Being grateful naturally brings humbleness to your character illustrating your humility and humanity. A young person who shows gratitude regularly will grow up to have a well-rounded and balanced outlook on life.

Next, let’s examine Fidelity. I hadn’t realized until I researched for this article how fundamental fidelity is to all virtues. Without fidelity there is no faith…in anything. Without faith there is no hope, no courage, no ideals. There can be evil fidelity and moral fidelity; you get to choose the truth. So, as with all virtues, fidelity is a choice.

But, we must be discriminating in our decisions or we will suffer through or joyfully reap the consequences. The basis for of all this is morality, for it allows the truth to move forward with change.

Fidelity in love is a little different that it is in other realms. Within relationships there are different rules that set them apart. Exclusiveness makes a loving relationship what it is supposed to be…special. But, when either the love or the exclusive nature weakens or disappears entirely fidelity will also. It is in the love, which the couple shares that makes fidelity possible. Merely living together or sleeping together doesn’t bind the exclusiveness, although often one of the parties may feel it does, which ultimately sets them up for disappointment.

I’d like to close by looking at Politeness. As politeness disappears from society everything else will deteriorate as well. Along with fidelity, politeness is a foundation virtue. Being polite to one another allows virtues to flow easily and naturally. When we aren’t polite, hatred, anger, jealousy, suspiciousness and intolerance become paramount in our attitudes. Many children today aren’t polite and learn all of the attributes in the previous sentence early on, which will make their lives more difficult and unhappy.

Politeness makes morality possible. We make honorable choices and decisions with right thinking rather than wrong hateful thinking. When we are polite, diplomacy works. When we are polite, friendships work. When we are polite society moves along effortlessly, and benevolence is prevalent. But, if we aren’t polite, our experience is filled with road-rage, drive-by shootings, and date rape.

Politeness gives us joy because we are giving of ourselves…such as: opening a door for someone, helping an elderly person across the street, and simply saying thank you. Giving always makes humans feel good about themselves and others, and makes morality shine. When we take, without regard to the rights or feelings of others, we degrade life and the things once precious to us.

Well, this has been an interesting exercise. I hope you have found some virtues to think about and discuss with your child. I will continue to explore how modern humans can make use of ancient values and virtues, which brought joy to the world, because obviously, we still need them. I hope you continue to ponder about the values you hold dear and how to keep them alive in your life.

(Editors Note: Mike Kelley has been out of town getting married, Congratulations Mike! So you are getting to view an archival presentation of his article for last April which is still very appropriate. We hope you enjoy it.)

Last month I wrote on virtues and wasn’t quite sure where it would go. But, it ignited an underlying passion that I hadn’t felt in a while, so I’ve decided to make it a series. Virtues fit so well with the concepts of Zooch and how we treat each other, how we raise our children and how we see ourselves in this very interesting world.

As you will recall, I covered three virtues last month: politeness, fidelity and gratitude. I’m going to just examine one this month…humility or being humble.

According to Mr. Webster, to be humble is to: not be proud, haughty, arrogant or assertive. Synonyms were lowly, meek or modest. Not to be proud caught my eye. Webster said proud meant showing or feeling superiority over others.

I almost felt a stab in my stomach when I read how proud was described. I had always been taught to be proud of my accomplishments, but not rub them in the face of others or be showy or arrogant about them.

Many of the self-help and motivational books out today tell you to acknowledge your successes and celebrate them so as to become accustomed to being successful. I agree with the descriptions of haughty arrogant or too assertive, but pride, at least in today’s world and to me, needs to be a part of our lives.

We take pride in our children’s accomplishments, is that considered wrong? Not if you don’t hold it over another’s child. We take pride in our local sports teams, is that wrong? To the sports fanatic no, but to the rest of us who observe over-the-top enthusiasm which destroys property, public drunkenness and the foul language that often goes with it then yes it is wrong.

How do we share these differences with children? Parents need to take time to point out the behavior which is acceptable and that, which is not. Children will take your lead if you are giving them life’s lessons from the heart. If we are the one’s that act inappropriately then they will emulate you and you end up with a child that will in likelihood repeating your mistakes instead of avoid them.

We can take great pride in different things in life and still be humble. It is when we become assertive, over-bearing or disdainful that we exhibit traits that beg for some discipline and virtue.

Our media and entertainment industries today have led young people to believe that the more extreme you are the more “cool” you are. More extreme sports, language, music, and lurid public displays are deemed “in” and encourage our kids to outdo each other with even more outrageous acts.

This attitude is leading kids to a big let down as they discover that it may be cool when you are still in school, but that in the outside world it’s frowned upon. It leads to less than desirable jobs, relationships and experiences. Instead of raising our standards, we are lowering them to a level of the uneducated and unprepared, combined with mean and ordinary. That’s not the America I want…do you?

They would be a person who was strong of character, lived life to it’s fullest, but didn’t flaunt it, one who carried no conceit, yet received everyone with equality and benevolence. They would be confident, friendly, accepting, and focused.

Teaching ourselves to live in this manner, as well as our children, would result in a society that sees itself as unassuming, yet polished, proud, yet, unpretentious.

Virtues are interesting when you look at them this way. We can see how, by some simple changes in definition of our actions, we can improve the lives of our children and ourselves.

Every Day is Opening Day

Talk to any true fan of sports or any athlete and they will tell you how much they look forward to opening day. It brings with it an excitement that not even the championship can. Every team and every participant has the exact same opportunity to achieve something special. For me, the greatest time of year is upon us. Spring has arrived. The days are getting longer, the air is getting warmer, and the sight of baseballs soaring over fences or into gloves begin to consume my thoughts. The records from previous years are wiped clean. Errors, strikeouts, bad breaks, and poor decisions are forgotten. No wins, no losses, just a chance to be magnificent.

What if we viewed each and every day as if it was our “Opening Day”? We could begin to move forward toward greatness by letting go of transgressions and mistakes. Surely we must learn from them, but that is all the attention they deserve. If we focus our energy and excitement on the possibilities that lie ahead, and remove those historical obstacles from our path, our goals are much more attainable.

We have heard that sports mimic life. That is true to a point. Life does not afford us the opportunity to “wait until next year”. Next year for us is right now. It always has been and always will be that way. The good news is none of us is ever mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. As long as we play the game, we control our own destiny. We also create our own championships in the form of our goals. Do you know what championship you are playing for? They will be different for everyone, and some will have many. You must know what it is or you will never know when you have won it or what it takes to get there!

Take some time to think about and write down what you want. Only you can define what is important to you and only you can play the game to the best of your ability in order to win YOUR championship.

Right now you have a zero in the loss column and your title hopes are alive. At this moment, no one is better for you are tied for first place. There is a buzz in the air and wonderful butterflies in your stomach. Something special is about to happen. Today is your “Opening Day”. Remember to enjoy it, for there will never be another one quite like this one.

A Second Chance, Prerequisite for Redemption

Seven months ago, my wife and I made a decision on a whim to adopt a dog from a local shelter. It was a difficult decision for me since I had always had the mindset to buy a puppy and avoid all of the behavioral issues that may come with an adult dog. Not knowing what we were looking for we set out to the local shelters to find one that just felt right. This is not the best criteria to use when seeking a new member of your family. We visited two facilities and fell in love with several candidates. All were cute, lovable, and eager to impress. And, each had a list of cited issues that explained why they were discarded.

We settled on a two year old Australian Cattle Dog mix named Chai. Her bio included aggression towards other dogs, aggression towards cats, separation anxiety, and tugging on the leash. She was said to be good with children and somewhat of an adventurer, and she was housebroken. Her striking black and white appearance, energy, and demeanor proved enough for us to overlook the negative history and give her an opportunity at a second chance.

It took a few days for her to adjust to her new surroundings, but overall, she did pretty well. Unfortunately, the little information card at the shelter was extremely accurate when describing her behavior. She was terrible on walks, tugging to the point of developing a severe cough. The mere sight of another dog without regard to its proximity triggered ferocious growling and barking. We watched episode after episode of “The Dog Whisperer” but made little progress with Cesar’s tactics. Our love for her grew daily, as did our concern for her conduct.

We enrolled Chai and ourselves in a dog training class at the local Veterinary Clinic rather than commit her to a life of seclusion. Returning her to the shelter was unthinkable. One night a week for seven weeks, with a little practice and patience in between, did the trick. We learned that we had a dog that had never been socialized properly and were given the tools and confidence we needed to help our little companion. Her progress has been remarkable and we now go to the dog park on a regular basis without fear of incident. The time we spent together working through the problems increased our bond and helped to develop mutual trust and respect.

It would have been a rather painful yet simple enough thing to do to merely return Chai to the shelter and hope for the best. It has become such an accepted part of our culture to simply turn our backs when someone or something needs our help. Simply avoid getting involved, or if you are involved, find a way out if at all possible. I know I am guilty of this repeatedly throughout my life and I am left to wonder how many second chances to friends and loved ones I may have denied.

It took a little dog that nobody wanted, to teach me a lesson I hope to remember forever; to make the most of my second chances, and to help others make the most of theirs. Through hard work, commitment, trust, and love, I think we each found some redemption together.

We’ve all known them, those individuals who remain calm in times of stress, who can sit quietly amongst chaos, and even in the most trying of times have an air of gentleness. Gentleness is a virtue that one finds more often than not in the more mature of humans…those who see life as a place where things aren’t to be treated with extreme emotions or swings of attitude, but with love and gratitude.

When I was a little boy I loved to watch the TV show “Superman” starring George Reeves. It was typical, early, black and white television (yes, I’m that old!) where a simple plot was woven into the weekly storyline demonstrating the amazing powers of Superman and his relationships with his: side-kick photographer Jimmy Olsen, love interest Lois Lane, Police Detective Trask, and bumbling editor Perry White.

This little show depicted the usual villain being hunted for a crime with Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen trying to get the “scoop” for a story in The Daily Planet newspaper. Bespectacled Clark Kent, who was Superman in disguise, was described in the opening sequence as “mild mannered”, the reporter who never got the story, always showed up late to the crime scene or when the villain had already been apprehended. Of course, as Superman, he’d already done all of the apprehending.

Kent would always wink to the camera at the end when he would take the usual ribbing from his co-workers about how he was habitually slow and would never make a good reporter. Clark was a gentle character and George Reeves played him perfectly.

The writers of Superman knew that by developing the characters of Superman and Clark Kent is such a fashion they would show how a super hero with other-worldly powers could also be very human, and humane, while displaying a gentleness that belied an individual who garnered such tremendous abilities. Just for fun, here is the opening sequence:

“Yes, its’ Superman, a strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal man. Superman – who can change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel with his bare hands, and who, disguised as Clark Kent mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper, fights the never ending battle for Truth, Justice and the American Way.”

Gentleness is a virtue that is rapidly fading from sight in today’s world. Why? When did the sense of being gentle become an attribute of only the weak?

Gentleness can be used in many arenas of life, and we get so much satisfaction from it that I’m amazed how we have dismissed it from our modern day demeanor. I mean, aren’t we gentle with babies? Puppies? Kittens? Why not each other?

TV shows like “Survivor” and “The Apprentice” only reinforces the now stereotypical scheming and conniving individual that America has come to see as heroes. Heroes? Give me a break.

By teaching our children and young adults that being devious and two-faced in our dealings with others in work or play, we create a whole generation of thousands of kids who believe that kind of behavior is normal and expected. Wow, what have we done to our country and ourselves?

Yes, I understand that in the real world of adults not everyone plays with integrity and fairness, but to teach our children to combat that behavior with more shrewdness and backstabbing only perpetuates the problem.

By giving our children, and ourselves for that matter, permission to live with gentleness in our lives, we also give them hope. Hope that life can be fair, fun, entertaining, educational and fulfilling. Obviously, we still need to teach them how others will not act with a sense of fairness or ethics and integrity, but just because others do it doesn’t mean that the fair-minded have to succumb to the depths of the common and vulgar who won’t play by the rules and push everything to extremes.

Give gentleness a try. Use it at work with someone who could use a kind word, gesture or assistance with a task. Be gentle in traffic with those who are obviously struggling. Be gentle with people who have tough jobs like the garbage collector, highway repair personnel, truck drivers and cashiers.

Remember, what you put out comes back to you, so be gentle daily and see how others will be gentle with you. Life would be so much better if we all took other’s situations into account before lashing out rudely; take a deep breath, think how you’d like to be treated if the shoes were on the foot; be a Superman or Superwoman and be gentle.

The Virtue “Purity” Disappeared About the Same Time as Religion Declined

One of the reasons for my writing about virtues these past few months has been due to a strong inner feeling that if humans could slow down long enough to honestly examine how we treat each other, and to use a virtuous philosophy to live by, we would be far better off.

Several thousand years ago when the Greeks were the dominant force in the known world, they instituted a unique democratic form of government, vigorously studied math, the sciences and philosophy, and lived lives based on virtues.

When the three major world religions emerged in the centuries that followed virtues were replaced with similar, yet different ways, to live our lives. As more time passed and religion in Europe and America declined in popularity, a more secular view dominated thinking and philosophy, thinking that is more liberal in its basis.

As I have mentioned in this column, it is in this increasing liberal view that we have thrown religion out of many places where had it added a more virtuous tilt to our thinking. Spirituality or religion doesn’t occupy a place our schools, government or private lives as it once did.

Now, even our entertainment industry pushes violence, sex, poor language and hatred as main topics for movies, music and television and the censors who are supposed to maintain certain dignity and quality look the other way.

I was listening to the national talk show host Hugh Hewitt last weekend and at the end of his show he played a recording of President Roosevelt during the days after the Normandy invasion of World War II. The President extolled the virtues of patience of the war effort and diligence in purchasing war bonds.

At the end, he asked the listening American audience to bow their collective heads and pray with him. He asked God for guidance, safety for the troops, success in the war effort and for steadfastness in the purity of resolve of the American people.

Can you imagine President Bush doing the same today? There would be an instantaneous outcry from the secular side of the isle asking for an immediate investigation by a committee to seek impeachment on the grounds of separation of church and state.

By now, you are probably asking what does this all have to do with my title virtue, purity. Well, I opened with the thought: “if humans could slow down long enough to honestly examine how we treat each other, and to use a virtuous philosophy to live by, we would be far better off”.

Purity is a strange, largely unused word that conjures thoughts of the first Americans, the Puritans with their ever-so-strict lifestyle. Obviously, I’m not talking about that kind of extreme change.

Purity is defined in Webster’s as: “a quality or state of being pure”. Pure is defined as: “free from roughness or harshness”. These two definitions are what I’m driving at. If you put the two together it comes out: “A quality or state of being pure without roughness and harshness”.

In the past couple of months I spoke of gentleness and politeness, and how they allow us to work together peacefully and amicably. Purity falls into this category too. The Greeks who followed these philosophies were obviously looking for an educated life of peace and tranquility.

These types of virtues can easily be taught and followed by parents and children. School PTA’s can adopt this line of thinking for it’s teachers, communities can institute virtues into public policy and change will begin.

Purity is a foundation virtue. Once it has been examined, adopted and put into use in your life you will see profound changes in how you view others. You will treat those you come in contact with differently, with understanding and compassion, not selfishly or with hatred and mistrust.

You will also see a difference in your choices; what you will allow in your life and what you will accept will change. Following a virtuous lifestyle is no different that those who follow a philosophy of Tai Chi, Yoga, or meditation. It is disciplined, easily followed and once you know and understand the parameters you can teach your children.

Children need discipline early in life to establish good ethics surrounding work, love, and honesty. With those fundamental disciplines in place, the often-difficult teen years will be easier on everyone.

Yes, these philosophies are old and overlooked today, but is that a reason to ignore the wonderful results that they produced in the past?

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A couple of weeks ago I was enjoying my weekly dose of “Real Time with Bill Maher “on HBO. I thoroughly enjoy this show because it takes very hot topics, usually political in nature, and provides a forum for debate. It usually gets very heated, and the guests, both expert and lay are always eager to make their point at all costs. Activists, actors, authors, current and former politicians are eager to express opinions and sometimes even offer factual based commentary on current events and the state of the nation as well as the world.

I watch simply for the entertainment value, and to see how debate occurs with polar opposite idealists. The magic happens when truly well spoken, educated participants, with completely different points of view, engage in stimulating, respectful, and occasionally, educational discussions. The laughs are almost always at the expense of President Bush and or his cabinet. A partisan crowd cheers every jab, joke, and anti-Republican attack with reverence. Most of it is harmless rhetoric with a humorous spin that even gets me to giggling at times. Okay, a lot of times.

That changed when Russell Simmons, of Def Jam Records and Phat Farm fame came on the show in a special guest appearance. It struck me then, that maybe all of this was not so harmless. Mr. Simmons tried on several occasions to express his belief in “The Secret”, the new book and video about the Law of Attraction. When allowed to speak about its profound effect on his life, combined with yoga to alleviate insomnia, he was very compelling. He took the ridicule in stride and somehow managed to continue the pseudo interview. Simmons conveyed his belief that his spiritual awakening and awareness of the Law of Attraction had transformed his life. He defended the right of free speech, but made it clear that he was campaigning for more responsible expression of language in music. He was thoughtful, kind, genuine, and inspirational as he told his story.

Unfortunately, I felt viewers were cheated, as he was constantly interrupted under the guise of skepticism of his spirituality. As is the standard procedure on the show, he and his beliefs were dismissed and belittled by the cynical, not skeptical host. I found this to be very disconcerting and all too commonplace, not just on the television show, but in day to day life.

A skeptic by definition is free to question anything that cannot be proven with scientific certainty. To question why Russell Simmons believes as he does and allow him to offer his proof in its effectiveness would have been beautiful. We would have been given the opportunity to gain insight to his faith. Only then could we decide to accept or reject it as possible. We were denied access to this insight because a closed mind with an open mouth saw fit to shut it down. How often do we all act in this manner? I believe all too often.

Observing the host Bill Maher, a miserable, self-admitted, pot smoking insomniac as he judged a well-slept, peaceful, happy, man, gave me pause. Perhaps it was merely an attempt to garner laughter and applause. Or, was it a microcosm of the negativity that exists in society as a whole when it comes to beliefs or philosophies of others? After all, “The Secret” did not become a wildly successful self-help phenomenon because we already had all of the answers.

I offer this: be skeptical as it is a healthy practice in acquiring knowledge and understanding. A skeptic is open to receiving new information in the quest for enlightenment. The cynic however, dismisses the possibility entirely, proclaiming that differing perspectives are false. Does the fear of being wrong fuel the cynic, or is it simply arrogance? I don’t have the answer, do you?

Keith E. Renninson: "Warning the Virtue 'Respect' Has Been Placed On The Endangered Virtues List"

Do you find yourself constantly explaining away the reasons why you are unsuccessful? The reasons why you are unhappy? It is a sure bet that your reasoning is actually a series of lies you tell yourself to avoid facing painful truths. The path of least resistance is to make an excuse and tolerate our situation, rather than to face our fear of an unpleasant truth. Fear of punishment or the consequences of our actions also play a part when we chose to avoid our own accountability. We are forever doomed as victims of circumstance until we make a conscious decision to deliberately create a new circumstance, free of excuses and blame.

This always proves to be the main obstacle. Honest self examination is the most difficult and painful step in breaking down the barriers that confine us to a life of mediocrity or worse. Recognize your shortcomings and failures from the past and forgive yourself. (Felons: stop reading and turn yourself in.) Visualize the life you want and refuse to entertain the kneejerk impulse to immediately interject all of your excuses for why you will fail to realize your dream. You will make the time, you will find the means, and you will gain the knowledge necessary to succeed. I just eliminated your top three excuses for you. If you don’t like your circumstance, only you can chose to create a new one.

Success for you will not be realized because of the failure of others, so stop blaming them. Your success will be measured by your ability to improve your own condition, as well as your ability to improve the condition of others. For now, just focus on yourself and the measures you will take, the rest will follow. Greatness is not measured by being better than others, but having the ability to lead others to achieve greatness. If we are all accountable for our own mistakes, there is no need for blame. One person’s accountability supersedes the need to for someone else to point the finger. Think about it, if you accept the fact that you erred, and take corrective action where possible, blame is then only an act of agreement.

No matter who we are or where we come from, our own life history is a prelude to this moment. Biologists and chronologists claim they can prove this scientifically. Thus, significantly outnumbered in relation to time, our now is overwhelmed by the occurrences of the past. How we see everything is tinted with everything we have seen before. It is almost impossible to observe anything purely for what it is. Experience, failure, success, judgment, social conditioning, commentary, and a host of influences alter the reality. I am not suggesting that we altogether dismiss the wisdom gained from experience, but to have the willingness to recognize the fact that it does influence our perception. With that I must conclude that perception is merely perception. Reality is, and can only be, the factual based truth that exists without influence of any kind.

I understand that thinking and acting in this manner could appear simplistic and perhaps naïve. It all depends on how you wish to see it. I made the choice change the way I saw it. When I stopped making excuses and blaming anyone, or anything I could, for my own unhappiness, I found my truth. I drank too much, and I was miserable. I was self absorbed in my own little pity party. I had my causes and effects all turned around, and excuses made it possible. I could have continued on like that for as long as I lived but I recognized that without a change, it probably would not have been all that long. If you are still reading, there’s still time. Are you ready?

As I continue my quest to uncover the long lost art of living a virtuous life, readers have begun to comment in wonderfully articulate ways, about how, they too, want them back in their lives. One word keeps popping up as I hear from you that I had expected to espouse on sooner or later, but since you keep using it in your emails I thought I'd cover it in this article.

Mr. Webster defines respect as: "to consider worthy of high regard, to refrain from interfering with, an act of giving particular attention: consideration." Respect should be found in many areas of life; I’ll try to cover a few of them in this article.

With children we want them to have consideration, and to respect others, their elders, authority, teachers, parents, relatives, virtually anyone they come in contact with. They can decide on their own whether they respect someone and act differently when they get older, but while they are young through their teen years they should show "be considerate and show respect". Children also show respect by having manners, saying please, thank you, excuse me, and meaning it.

As a nation, we are running away at the speed of light from respect in so many aspects of our daily lives that I'm afraid it will disappear entirely someday. I was shocked recently when it was announced that the Federal Communications Commission would now allow the "F" word in certain circumstances in normal programming. Where did respect of decency go?

Common respect of others time, values, morals, religion should be the hallmark of a quality society. By showing respect, we gain honor in our actions, thus obtaining self-esteem and self-respect.

When an individual has self-esteem and self-respect, they expect the same in return because they have come to regard themselves a respectable, responsible and reliable, and therefore deserve it. Without self-respect/esteem humans become angry, depressed and mean.

By teaching children how to have respect and use it properly, we give them a foundation in decency, self-respect and self-esteem, plus, an understanding of quality and class.

The current generation our young have adopted a philosophy that shows respect for the pain of obtaining tattoos and body piercing. Born out of the gang world and prison "tats" as they are called, tattoos have been elevated to "art" that to some, announces to the world they are to be taken seriously as tough, unique, and a rebel of sorts. Some say this is a lifestyle choice; my reply is, if that is the case, then don't complain about it later when the tats don't fit into a new, more grown up or professional lifestyle.

I'll probably take some heat for my position on this one, but not having respect for your body and intentionally subjecting it to pain and disfiguration has no class or quality. It is “body graffiti” which, like the kind found on walls in alleys and trash dumpsters, serves no purpose of the higher self.

Yes, many contend that it is artistic in nature and self-expression, but those who cover large parts of their bodies I feel are doing themselves a dis-service that will limit opportunities in the future. Many of the Hollywood elite and other prominent people who have followed the fad and been tattooed are now getting them removed with even more painful laser treatment.

To carry the current younger generation examination a bit further, I feel they were never taught how to have respect. Their parents came out of a time when you didn't discipline children, not wishing to stunt their expressions or growth, but unfortunately it created an atmosphere of "let kids do what they want and they will pick up virtues from society".

These children grew up in day care centers, and then went on to school systems that were told to teach them morals and virtues, but lacked the authority to discipline, so a wild mindset within the kids grew to say, "Do what you want, dude, they can't hurt you, it's the law." The trouble was, they were right; we have created a generation without respect for much of anything good.

A recent report stated that many teens today have a zero work ethic, but a definite respect of those who become wealthy. One doesn't come without the other, unless you don't possess any scruples and turn to crime.

And, we've made full circle haven't we, the tattoos were born out of the prison tats craze. Which then begs the question: Who are the idols of these teens? Who do they really respect? Certainly not any individuals with class and quality and that's a shame. When you emulate someone, you pick up his or her traits, habits and desires. The rappers and gangsta rap have violent, sexist, racist, and selfish lyrics, that's what our young have learned to emulate.

Did you see Al Capone, or Machine Gun Kelly, or Bonnie and Clyde on that list? Of course not.

Respect is a virtue that creates an atmosphere of “caring” for yourself and others. We need to instill that philosophy in our young once again before it's too late to save ourselves and our country from a very bleak future that is becoming all to plausible.

Keith E. Renninson: "Sometimes Happiness Comes From Our Own Embarrassment"

Michael Conrad Kelley and his wife Mary just had a new baby girl, Kendall, so no article this month.

I’m not an early riser, never have been. I generally work late into the night and sleep later than most normal people. Consequently, I’m not at my best in the mornings. I wrote on Zoochblog about a recent weekend where I drove with friends from one end of Colorado to the other to participate in two separate bicycle races. The first was on Friday evening, a 7.2-mile time trial in Salida Colorado, 2.5 hours southwest of Denver, and the second was a 34-mile road race in Wray, 3.5 hours northeast of Denver at 7:30 am Sunday morning. Twelve hours of total travel time, whew!

After arriving in Wray, our group of six checked into the motel, ate dinner, and then wandered off to our rooms for the night. I went to bed early around 10:15 with my MP3 player giving me some soothing music through earphones. Since I don’t normally go to bed that early, I had hoped it would help make me drowsy and I’d sleep well. But as I lay down on my bed I found that it must have been in use for at least three decades, because my hips were a full three inches lower than my head and feet. I could just imagine the hundreds of heavy truckers who have slept there over the years.

The warm, cloudless night in Wray was less than desirable because the air-conditioner would kick on once or twice an hour. Plus, to add insult to injury, our motel sat right next to the main line of the railroad. Every couple of hours or so, a pair of diesel engines would slowly rumble into town, blow their horn several times at the intersection outside our door, and then clickity clack as hundreds cars passed by; I didn’t need any quarters for a vibrating bed.

Needless to say by 6 am when the alarm went off I hadn’t had much quality sleep. It was like I had blinders on, I could only see what was in front of me and didn’t see that very well through puffy, tired eyes, and a foggy brain not used at such dark early hours.

After the race, I returned to my motel room to shower before leaving for Denver. I was unpacking clean clothes when suddenly, I noticed that my cell phone and wallet were nowhere to be found. Franticly, I tore my travel bag apart several times, looking in every nook and cranny of the room, under the bed and in the bathroom. Larry, the fellow racer whom I shared the room with even looked in his stuff.

We had traveled to Wray with another rider named Graham, so I called him at his room to ask if he had seen them in his car. Well, he looked in the glove box and there were both the wallet and cell phone.

Earlier that morning, I had taken my wallet and phone to put in Graham’s car when we rode to his room, on the other side of the sprawling motel complex, to pump up our tires with his tire pump before the race. But, did I remember doing it? No.

You always know who your friends are when they take the liberty to tease you when you’ve done something funny, embarrassing or awkward. Well, my “friends” teased me about this “senior moment” numerous times, and we all had a good laugh over my misplaced, sleep deprived, short-term memory.

I needed those three days away from my normal routine to laugh, see different surroundings and compete on my bike (by the way, I placed 5^th just out of the sprint to the finish). We all need time away to re-charge our batteries to make all of the hours we spend working worthwhile.

In order for humans to be happy, we require challenges, humor, productivity, camaraderie, friendship and love. We get some of these benefits from family and friends, and others from our workplace or avocations.

Being happy is a virtue in and of itself. As author and talk radio host Dennis Prager writes in his book “Happiness Is A Serious Problem”, we have an obligation to be happy with our family and friends.

Every Friday, at 11:00 am MDT, Prager hosts his “Happiness Hour” where he talks about happiness, and invites callers to discuss how difficult it is to be around unhappy people. They often discuss ways they’ve found to make life easier through happiness and humor.

We are so lucky in America to have many ways to enjoy life that to be chronically unhappy or angry is almost a sin.

Happiness comes in strange ways. The teasing from my friends I mentioned above made me feel closer to them, it deepened our friendship and gave us all a little humor to make the long miles go by quicker. But, it also made me happy to enjoy my life with them.

Have you ever noticed how you work harder to have fun with friends and family when you’re out together? We all want to have a good time, create happy memories and live life to it’s fullest in the moment. That is a beautiful side of humanity. We need to exercise that side more often. Smile more. Just be happy more.

Happiness is contagious. It’s like yawning; once you’ve done it, you see everyone doing it. Smiling and laughter create the same affect. But, you have to make a conscious effort to remind yourself to make it part of your day…everyday.

When I was growing up in the 50’s and 60’s there were milestones in life that we kids were itching to get to. First there was 13. To be a teenager was the first sign of being a cool kid and of being grown up. Next came 16 when the ever-so-desirable driver’s license was available. Of course, having your own car was a plus, but in the 60’s that wasn’t always economically possible for all kids.

Having your driver’s license was a sign that you had arrived. You were responsible…to some extent. I grew up in a largely agricultural area and many kids my age had already driven ranch and farm vehicles and garnered the trust of their parents to have a license. My Dad worked at a dynamite factory and we lived in a company town, so I was learning to drive much earlier than many kids today.

The last two rites of passage to be attained were the ages 18 and 21. Eighteen brought mixed emotions for boys, yes, you could then (back in the 60’s) go to 3.2 beer establishments to dance, meet girls and look cool. You could also go to college, get a job, an apartment and be “on your own”. The downside was we were required to register for the draft, and the war in Viet Nam was looming on the horizon. Twenty-one was desirable because you could go to grown-up nightclubs to party and meet girls.

You’ve probably picked up on a couple of central themes here: 1) girls, 2) getting out on your own and being a grown-up kid. Twenty-one was the ultimate age because you were viewed as an adult. Being an adult meant you had power to take charge of your life, move into your own apartment or rent a house. If you were thinking seriously about your life you were in college bettering yourself and improving your chances for good employment when you graduated.

The sixties were a time of transition and many new things appeared, one of them being the attitude of perpetual youth. My generation was the first to not want to totally grow up. This in and of itself isn’t a bad thing, but it became one as time passed. We even had a phrase: “Don’t trust anyone over thirty”. Boy did we have a lot to learn.

Milestones in life, like rites of passage, used to occur to establish points of growth and maturity. Without these the shadowy lines in the sands of time children don’t experience the changes they need to when they need to. If you aren’t told you are now a grownup with grownup responsibilities maturity is postponed…why not keep playing if allowed to becomes the attitude.

Adults today are having a tough time on two fronts: 1) they don’t want to grow up, and 2) their kids don’t want to either. So, who becomes the adult? Who takes the responsibility of being mature? Who makes the tough decisions?

If life were never-ending this would be a different problem. But, obviously, it isn’t and we are stuck with the need for someone to grow up and be an adult. With aging you find out that you should have accepted something’s in life earlier, maturity and adulthood are often among them

The “forever young” attitude is great when it comes to having appositive attitude, staying physically fit and active, but it creates lots of problems on many fronts for our country. America is a major driving force in the world and it needs mature, responsible adults to lead and implement our policies. Unfortunately, our supply of those citizens is diminishing as more and more of our young refuse to grow up and be adults.

Our country has reached a rite of passage and we aren’t anywhere close to being ready to grow up and take advantage of it. The world wants a leader to make strong stands on vital issues and we as the most likely candidate are mired in many infantile practices such as:

Anyone over twenty-one should re-evaluate how they view life. They should see that it is filled with milestones, which enable us to age with responsibility and maturity making life extremely enjoyable. Always wanting to be young is a desirable value; always wanting to be responsible is a virtue. Values change with time, and not always for the better, virtues on the other hand are concrete, time-tested beliefs, which enable you to mature properly and make great decisions in life.

An attitude of looking forward to milestones as a sign of maturity and quality that will make your life rich with an understanding of how life works in the real world, not the fantasy world of perpetual kid-dom.

The training wheels have been lying on the garage floor for months. One wipe out after another throughout the spring and summer. Tearfully surrendering over and over again, for the balance was just a hair off. Timing, coordination, and courage are the recipe for success, but each time he came up a little short of one or more ingredients. Then, it happened. And we missed it! Our little guy rode his bike for the first time over the weekend. And the weekend after all is, Daddy’s time.

The correct reaction to this news would have been to congratulate him on his achievement of a major milestone in life. The response that came out however was how disappointed I was not to have been there when it happened. Oh what a mixed message it must have been for a five year old to process. I found a way to suck pure excitement out of his huge moment by analyzing how I was affected. In a flash, the excitement was gone. Now I missed two magical experiences, the milestone itself, and the celebration of the accomplishment. Jerk and double jerk.

The harsh reality to joint custody of a child is that some memories will made in the presence of one and the absence of the other parent. The only thing we can do about this is to accept it. Lest we remind ourselves that ultimately we have created this situation in the first place. The kids can’t help where they are when the big moments occur because it was us, the mighty parents who put them there. Armed with that knowledge, what do we do about it?

As you can see from my stellar performance as Step Dad in “Sure you learned how to ride a bike, but what about my feelings” debacle, I too have some work to do. Self awareness is the key. By that I mean to know how, why, and when you feel whatever it is that you feel so your actions can be more thoughtful. If I had been more aware of my feelings and self, I would have recognized his joy and my disappointment as mutually exclusive elements. And, rather than reacting in a somewhat wounded manner, I could have enjoyed the celebration with my step son. Besides, it had nothing at all to do with me.

When we chose to focus more on what we have than what we don’t have we gain proper perspective and everything seems to make a little more sense. As parents and step parents we must remember that our time with our children is fleeting, and although it may be limited, it is too valuable to waste. Our children are constantly making memories for themselves, not for us. Sometimes we are lucky enough to help create them, and when we are not, I am quite sure they will be willing to share.

And finally, it is not a competition! If it were, we’d be up three teeth to one!

Long gone are the days when a teacher stands before most of us and runs through the attendance list, name after name read in the form of a question. “Anderson?” “Present.” “Bailey?” “Here.” And so on. You get the point. I wondered if, on a grander scheme, a true attendance were taken with regard to our actual presence in our lives, what kind of a truancy problem might we have?

I am quite sure that if asked, we would respond that we are in fact here. But are we? Or, are we merely going through the motions of making it through another day? I fear that a great many would fall into the category of the latter. Destined to follow rather than lead. Willing to exist rather than excel. And finally, accepting rather than creating the life that is their own.

By not being present in our own lives, the terms by which we live will forever be dictated to us. Imagine an advertising campaign that stated “Just Survive It!” That does something somewhat less than invoke a positive reaction. However, it is a more accurate slogan for the manner in which most people conduct their daily lives. It seems that we are always looking forward to something. The next big event, landing a large sale, a project, deadline, paycheck, meal, break, vacation, or whatever else there is to look forward to. And, while all of that is wonderful and even necessary, I believe we become obsessed with the future and forego the now.

Anticipation is often a marvelous feeling. It is the fuel of our desires and dreams. It is the tingle of excitement we feel when we think about all of the things in life that we want but have yet to receive. Appreciation on the other hand, is an even more powerful feeling. Appreciation is the key to being present in our lives. It is the source of happiness. And, it can be felt for all things both material and immaterial. If we never take the time to live in the moment and appreciate what we were once only anticipating, the journey was all for not.

As Americans, we are mostly viewed by the rest of the world as hard working, but materialistic. Where we were once respected as innovators and creators, we are seen by many as consumers and accumulators. As much as I would like to shrug this perception off and dismiss the sentiment as jealousy or resentment, I find that there is a little truth in all of it. I believe that we still have an impeccable work ethic as a whole. I see it every day with the people I work with. And I believe that we continue to lead the world as an industrial leader. But, I also believe that we have traded so much of our foundational values in our effort to gather wealth. It is this constant state of mistaking material wealth for happiness that prevents us from achieving happiness because we have lost the ability to appreciate.

This is epidemic in America today. We are all so caught up in chasing what has become the American dream, that we have lost our ability to be present in our own lives. Our basic human responsibilities to nurture, educate, and care for ourselves and one another have become merely additional expenses we use to garner the energy it takes to earn even more. It is a vicious cycle with no end in sight.

So what do we do about it? Accept it? Survive it? After all, we created it. Or can we go a little retro and embrace “the pursuit of happiness” as it was intended. Keep one eye on the now and be present, and one eye on your dreams. There is nothing wrong with wanting it all, but what will you do when you get it.

We make so many choices during our lifetime that they get lost in the haze of time, don’t they? As I was discussing a decision of mine with a friend recently, I made the statement that one I’d made a year ago really complimented my work instead of complicating it.

So often during the decision making process we look at how a choice will affect our lives, relationships, finances, health and happiness. At the outset, some choices may look complicated and messy, yet when we follow through with it the opposite occurs.

In the movie “Seven Days, Seven Nights” with Harrison Ford and Anne Heche, Ford’s character is a divorced, freelance pilot in Tahiti when he and Heche crash land on a deserted island during a storm. He tells her that he’s not interested in pursuing another relationship because he wants his life to be as uncomplicated as possible. In typical Hollywood fashion, after they fall in love he changes his mind. When he locates her at the airport in the final scene and tells her he loves her and wants her to stay, she asks him about complicating his life and he says, “I want to complicate the hell out of it.”

When we least expect it, a decision can suddenly reveal hidden aspects that make the choice seem obvious, but before, fear or anxious anticipation will mask the delicious results. Life is prankster sometimes not letting us see how something will benefit us until we commit.

Therein lies the rub. We have to commit. We have to make the hard decision. We have to choose. Not choosing is a choice too, so don’t be led down the garden path on that one; we don’t get to just sidestep the issue, for ultimately you will face it again and again until you step up to the plate and take a swing at making a decision.

Somehow, within the many energies of the universe, there is a specific energy that relates to choice and commitment. That energy is like Elmer’s Glue. You remember the little white bottle of Elmer’s that your mother bought you for school projects? I was always fascinated by how it would come out of the bottle all white, slippery, gooey and almost liquid. You’d apply it to the backs of paper artwork to attach to a piece of cardboard or a window and after a while it would disappear and harden and the two surfaces were firmly held together.

Well, this commitment energy is a lot like that. It stays fluid and non-binding in the bottle until you commit, then it attaches itself to you and your choice and hardens, forming a bond. With time, if the choice is a good one, the bond grows in strength. If it’s a poor decision, it is able to be torn apart with effort and pain, but is there to use again when you make another decision.

Complicating life is the way things appear on the surface because we can’t always see the results on the other side until we are there. Sitting on the couch of life eating chips and drinking soda doesn’t sound like a complicated choice, but look at the results from that: high blood pressure from lack of exercise, clogged arteries from the fat in the chips and weight gain from the sugar in the pop…suddenly you’re out of shape and facing an uphill battle to regain your once healthy body. If that isn’t complicating life I don’t know what is.

Compliment your life with constant, deliberate creation of good choices, solid decisions, forward thinking and take an active role in how you live your life, otherwise you face the complicated consequences which won’t compliment much of anything, much less a life filled with an abundance of good health, wealth, happiness and wisdom.

Keith E. Renninson: "What’s Really Important Isn’t Always What’s Staring You in the Face"

Almost all self-help videos and books guide you through the first steps of realizing who you are and what you want by having you make lists. The idea being that if you write it down you make it more real than if it’s just in your mind. Deciding what you want in a world with a plethora of choices isn’t easy either.

Some lucky individuals seem to know that they are going to be a doctor, lawyer, or chef right out of kindergarten, the rest of us spend years exploring different avenues seeking that perfect fit of employment and satisfaction. All too often we settle.

When your priorities are jumbled and confused you can’t make a distinction between a career and a job. The same goes with anything in life you want to be successful at, be it a good father, mother, bowler, racecar driver, skier or knitter. You’ve got to decide what’s really important to you and in an order that gives you a range of personal, occupational and pure fun.

I revisited my “important list” recently as I do every Christmas. As you might expect as we age this list changes and mine had. It is so easy to only look at what is affecting your life currently, and although you shouldn’t avoid today’s issues, realize we are in this for the long haul, so look 5, 10, even 20 years down the proverbial road to see what might be necessary to live a comfortable life.

At this time of year, the hectic nature of the Holidays, family get-togethers, outdoor activities, school, and shopping tend to cloud what the season is really about. What is really important to you at this time of year? Try to look at it sincerely and then make that happen.

For me family and friends are at the top of the list. Seeing those who are close, writing those who aren’t, calling, emailing, and sending Christmas cards and gifts. If you are religious, hopefully you will make time for church, if you are spiritual or live a metaphysical life, take time to feel the blessings of this time of year. Christmas is the time when we get the opportunity to give and receive. It is the time when we can be thankful for our blessings, our friends, family, good health, productive and prosperous lives and security.

Taking stock of the past twelve months will also give you some idea if you lived the life you intended this time last year. Did you become the person you wanted to be? Did you accomplish the important tasks that made you proud? Do you want to lay the groundwork to improve in the upcoming year?

There are many things in life that are important such as: taking good care of your health, your finances, your relationships, remaining grounded in your beliefs, expanding your horizons through work or education or play, helping others through charity, and being grateful for the world you have around you.

Spend a little time alone if at all possible during the next month. Earnestly feel love yourself, for who you are and who you are becoming and be forgiving for the errors committed along the way. We are all learning about life each and every day, so give yourself a break, smile, be happy, laugh at every opportunity and give that energy to all you meet.

I sincerely wish you all the best this Christmas and Hanukkah, and have a safe and Happy New Year!

Perhaps this year is different because I have a new daughter Kendall with my lovely wife Mary. Maybe my stepson, Enrique, at age six (when I remember to allow him, and me, to behave like a six year old) is rubbing off on me a little. Remember Christmas at six? I had obviously forgotten, but its all coming back to me now.



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